my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
