chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize