Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
This is my gift to your gina
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
