people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
