I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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