I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
