if i can run in heels then i can drive
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
