he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
