Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
