last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
