"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
