Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
