I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
