I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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