Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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