I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
