i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
zippers are such a cool invention
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
