yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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