i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
