You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
