My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
PANTIES FOUND
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