I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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