a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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