Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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