community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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