I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
