her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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