It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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