dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she peed on how many people?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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