can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
