I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
