your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
