He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
