She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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