I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
it's like heaven, but drunker
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
