you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
