yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Randomize
