unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
