no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
