i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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