Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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