Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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