Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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