one two three fourrrrnication!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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