he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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