If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
