I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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