That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?