Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.