Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
