we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
how do you play pong handcuffed?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
