Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
