you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
