I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
