Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
