mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
