Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
