She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
